Black Fast – TOUR TIPS

This new set of Tour Tips was written by the metal band, Black Fast. You can check out their tips for being on the road, after the break.

#1 
Always park facing the west. The sun is nature’s alarm clock and it will roast your ass awake, so if you want to sleep more than an hour each night this will save you some trouble.  It also helps to find an empty space between two semis at a rest stop, they will provide shade in the morning and their gentle rumbling hum will soothe you to sleep.

#2 
ALWAYS have van hooch.
 This one is pretty straight forward. If you get a $30 buyout instead of food some night, stash away $11 for a bottle of Ten High. You don’t want to roll in anywhere naked.

#3 
Canned Heat
Get yourself a few of these, a hobo tool, and some beans or chili, this will cost $4 or $5, but it’ll make you feel like $60.  Scout out a good rest stop or parking lot at night and let the cookout begin. Your stomach will thank you, but the bathroom attendant in the morning will not.

#4 
Piss bottles. 
Don’t mess around with anything less than 32 ounces. Gatorade is handy for this reason alone. If you grab a 16 ounce water bottle you will fill it almost immediately, and you are likely sleeping in the back, disoriented and wasted, and you will ruin some shit in the van trying to manage this. You won’t be able to pinch it in time, you’ll overflow, you’ll probably miss, and you’ll definitely finish on yourself or your neighbor or everywhere before you can reload. Not to mention the residual drip, and questions about that wet spot in the morning. For your health.

#5 
Standards 
Be prepared (or unprepared, it doesn’t matter) to let these go. I’m mostly referring to the types of standards that one would attribute to being a ‘normal’ person at home, and not on the road. I’m talking hygienic, dietary, and bodily standards. Yes you will live on the verge of diarrhea and/or vomiting, and yes you will inevitably succumb to both. Yes you will eat petrified cheese from an old cardboard pizza box. Yes a funk will develop on your person that defies even the most poetic of definitions. And yes, all involved in this journey will know the full extent of each other’s nakedness. And it will be rad. If you find yourself on the road, touring strange lands and playing for strange folks, don’t forget to not take any of it for granted and have a great fucking time.

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