Ezra Jordan – CRAZY TOUR STORIES

In this Crazy Tour Stories segment, the pop artist, Ezra Jordan, shares one of his stories from being on the road. You can check out the story, after the break.

While touring through Ontario in the middle of winter, we had our fair share of driving difficulties. For those who don’t know, the weather in Northern Ontario during February and March is not always easy-going. We were headed up to Sudbury, which was brand new territory for all of us, and let me tell you, Sudbury gets COLD.

After navigating hours of endless highway through a whiteout snowstorm, we finally pull up to where we were playing that night, a venue called “The Asylum”. We are running late for soundcheck and super desperate to get out of this damn van, so we pull into an alley next to the building and start unpacking our gear.

As it turns out, “The Asylum” is a dungeon-like heavy metal spot, and I am DEFINITELY not the kind of act that usually plays there, so we all felt pretty out of place. As we enter, an absolutely massive man with an even more massive tattoo of a tarantula on his scalp introduces himself simply as “Spider.” Yes. On his scalp. The first thing he does is tell us where to park the van, which of course is not where we had already parked it. Cue the look of disappointment on Spider’s face. We go to move the van to the proper spot, and it is beyond stuck.

We sheepishly slink back into the venue to ask Spider for help, and this guy comes out in -30° Celsius weather in a bloody T-shirt and shorts! We’re all freezing our asses off trying to push this van out of a rut and he’s totally fine, smoking a cigarette and seemingly impervious to the bitter cold. I should say at this point, that Spider turned out to be one of the most professional, helpful, and courteous guys that we met on tour, but oh my god was he intimidating. With the van still hopelessly stuck in the snow, the band and I headed inside to soundcheck while Spider and a helpful passer-by continue trying to figure out a solution with my manager.

To this day I don’t know how they did it, but only a short while later, in comes Spider to announce that the van is free. When we asked him how he doesn’t have frostbite, he just tells us “Eh, it’s a dry cold and I’ve got thick Irish blood”. What a legend. I guess you don’t tattoo a tarantula on your head and call yourself Spider if you aren’t prepared to back it up.

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