Family Man – DREAM TOUR

In this Dream Tour segment, the alternative metal band, Family Man, reveals who they would want on their ultimate tour lineup. You can check out their picks, after the break.

Clearly, the best tour of all time would be a joint headline global arena tour with Nine Inch Nails & Grimes, with Family Man & Savages as main tour support, where the final date is a festival with all of our favourite artists. It would go something like this:

‘THE’ ARENA TOUR

The queue into the arenas will be an interactive audio-visual art installation curated by Brian Eno. At various points along the queue, there are rooms where you can redeem free shots of Tuaca for you and your friends, and exchange your ticket for a Brian Eno oblique strategy card. By the time you get into the main arena and are feeling both loose and creative, Family Man take to the stage. Savages follow Family Man, where Jehnny Beth walks across the crowd in stilettos and is the coolest person in the world. Family Man then returns to the stage, but as Nine Inch Nails (including Trent). Grimes then takes to the stage, and brings out Marilyn Manson to finish the set with a weird ethereal version of “Beautiful People”. Repeat this all over the world, lots of times.

FINAL DATE – “A FAMILY FETE – A Festival of Horrible, Gorgeous and Haunting Performance and Contemporary Dark Arts”

The festival site would be in one of the big London parks on your finest British summers day (importantly without inner city noise limits and curfews). Tickets for the festival would be accompanied with a reusable bottle, and some sort of bum bag which doubles up as an ashtray, hand sanitizer dispenser, and still has enough space to put your card, phone, keys, cigarettes, gum, and emergency banana when you start to flag later in the night. The queues for the bars are maximum 1 person deep, and you can get your reusable bottle refilled with gin and tonic for reciting the first verse of “Ace of Spades” in the style of Billy Corgan.

There are too many favourite artists to mention, so we will curate one day of the Main Stage. Opening the stage would be CLT DRP. A vicious three-piece from Brighton. Our favourite new band in the UK right now. Then, the beacon of soul, and headmaster of the lick, KITT TRIGG would take to the stage. Next would be Sorry, who have recently signed to Domino records and we absolutely love. These guys would be followed by a short Henry Rollins spoken word, culminating in the title track from Black Flag’s third studio album Family Man. Family Man would then take to the stage, playing their greatest hits, including their smash hit “Volt” released all the way back in March 2019. Savages, Family Man as Nine Inch Nails (including Trent), and Grimes would do their thing. Then to headline would be 1984-era Van Halen where they open with “Unchained” because it’s the most exciting beginning of a show of all time (there is some grainy youtube footage of exactly this). Tool then come on as a surprise double headliner and play Aenima in full, and bring out Chino Moreno from Deftones and finish with “Passenger” from White Pony.

For the true night people out there, Thom Yorke and Aphex Twin then do a main stage B2B set, with Nina Kraviz bringing in the sunrise.

If that doesn’t get your loins tingling, then you’re dead.

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