Fort Lean – PRESHOW RITUALS

In this Preshow Rituals segment, the alternative band, Fort Lean, share what they do before every show. You can check out their rituals, after the break.

Having prestigious degrees in both Music and Business from Harvard, Oxford, and Yale, we take our pre-show rituals extremely seriously. We try to live by the motto “Life is Pain,” and thus insist that one member of the band must remove a non-vital organ or piece of tissue before each show. In major cities, this tends to be rather simple – another member of the band will puncture the organ with a needle while driving into town, and we go to a local ER, where the doctor needs to remove it so as to save the member’s life. While touring Canada this was extremely cheap, though now with the dire health insurance situation in our own country, certain removals were expensive (our label was NOT happy getting footed with a spleen removal bill, LOL).

While the chosen band member recovers, the rest of us pray. A small bit of blood is drunk, and scales are practiced. Sometimes we change a guitar string.

With about 10 minutes before showtime, Sam, our drummer, watches The Dark Crystal while Zach, our guitarist, shocks his nipples with a 9-volt battery. We used to hook Sam up to the back of a Twin Reverb, but we had to sell that amp to pay for the aforementioned medical bills. That’s life though, right?

5 minutes remaining! The fans are rabid! Keenan returns from the pet store with a lizard, and we eat it. Raw.

2 minutes remaining! Someone calls a parent, says “FUCK YOU DAD,” and hangs up. This really gets us in the mood to play some slow-burning, mid-tempo rock.

1 minute! Wet kisses are given all around, and we take off our clothes.

“WTF guys, this is an all-ages show!” The clothes go back on, and we slink onstage to play to a nearly-half-packed house.

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(Photo credit: Michelle Huynh)