Greg Holden – TOUR PRANKS

In this Tour Pranks segment, the indie rock artist, Greg Holden, shares one of the pranks he pulled on tour. You can check out the story and stream his newest single, “On The Run”, after the break.

So my band and I were on tour in the U.S. a couple of years ago, opening for another band we love very much, but for the sake of their fans shall remain anonymous in this story.

On the first night of the tour, after a great show in Philadelphia, we were hurtling down the freeway on our way to D.C. when their van pulled up alongside ours. It made sense I guess; after all, we were headed to the same place. One of the guys was signaling for us to roll down our window, so we politely obliged, expecting perhaps an exchange of pleasantries. I must point out that at the time, we believed these guys to be a relatively conservative, and perhaps quite religious group of folks. Until that is, I was struck in the face by a ginormous vibrating dildo traveling through our window at 80mph. To say I was surprised would be a restrained description of my feelings at the time, but we knew at that point it was going to be a fun tour.

The next day we were greeted by the guys as we were loading into the D.C. show. We made no mention of the oversized rubber penis we now possessed, nor did we mention it the next day, or the next, or the next. Two weeks went by with no word of what we did or were planning to do with our newly acquired object, and the band was starting to look pretty fucking nervous. We’d spent the entire tour plotting how best to return the dildo to its rightful owners, and the decision was made that the last show of tour would be an ideal moment for the exchange.

The last show was in North Carolina, a place where we assumed not too many people possess large vibrating sex toys, and so to a bunch of childish New Yorkers, this was a hilariously perfect location to reunite the band with theirs. At that point, we’d seen their show enough times to know that the culprit who delivered the dildo into my face was also the first member of the band the fans would see and hear at the start of the show. We also knew that if we placed the dildo in the perfect place, he would be too far into his performance to be able to do anything about it once he realized it was there. So, after their sound check, we carefully planted our long, rubbery friend into the drummer’s cowbell, leaving the tip exposed. Then, it was time to sit back and enjoy the show.

Sure enough, he walks on stage all proud and unsuspecting and opens the show. The lights come up, the crowd goes wild. There he is, bashing away at his toms, totally unaware that in four bars, when he lays into his cowbell, the ginormous vibrating dildo would be laying into him.

I will never forget his face when that moment arrived.

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