Helen – CRAZY TOUR STORIES

In this Crazy Tour Stories segment, the indie artist, Helen, talks about some of her crazy moments from touring. You can check out the feature, after the break.

I guess the majority of our funky touring moments were directly related to the vehicle we were using at the time. It was loaned to us by some friends and even though it’s an amazingly spacious and comfortable van, it turned out it gathered a number of technical quirks throughout its last tours.

None of us were mechanically minded so we basically ended up going on tour with a failed air conditioner, a smashed driver-side mirror, and no stereo. The engine was losing water at such a rate that we needed to pull over every 100 km to cool her down and fill her up. The driver-side windshield whipper was missing some parts so it barely worked, and when it would, it scrambled together with the other one. So when it rained, it needed adjusting every 3rd stroke or so by leaning outside the window.

At a certain point the mirror had completely fallen off which didn’t seem to bother one of the boys too much, I guess he was used to driving large vans. On the other hand, it wasn’t much fun when our friend had to take the wheel because he hadn’t driven anything larger than a sedan at that point. Not even an SUV or a minivan. So we bought a fake mirror and taped it where the old one used to be.

I still remember the look on his face at the end of his first driving session. He was soaked in sweat, his eyes bloodshot with fatigue, yet creepily wide open from all the stress of handling that dysfunctional beast while maintaining the safety of both passengers and fellow drivers. We had to wine and dine him pretty well to convince him to get behind the wheel again.

Another time, we set out for a single gig about 5 and a half hours driving distance. My friend got up early to get some of the van quirks fixed and load up the gear. As we started heading out, the engine turbine failed and the whole system just shut down. Luckily it happened within the city perimeter so the boys had to quickly pack the bare necessities (our instruments) in my tiny VW Polo and I was lucky enough to get a ride with someone who was driving out to the same event.

So I guess we learned first hand one of the basic rules of touring. Your vehicle is your best friend, make sure you take good care of it.

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