In this Dream Tour segment, Billy Yost, of the alternative rock band, The Kickback, shares the acts that he would include on his ultimate tour lineup. You can check out his picks, after the break.
Author’s Note: Dearest Reader,
This was written almost immediately after an 18-and-one-half hour drive from Pueblo, CO to Long Beach, CA after our van blew a spark plug, broke down, and made us miss a show in Tempe, AZ. Our sleep over the past 72-hours has been, at best, irregular, and while I feel completely in control of my faculties, the reading of this lineup has raised some genuine concern among my bandmates. That said, please enjoy this tour curated by (though supported only really by my dumb ass): The Kickback Presents: A Show.
8:15 P.M. Randy Newman, A Piano, & You Not Talking
Maybe the three best things there are. There’s something about a man on piano that invites those people you don’t exactly call friends (but feel it would be rude to call “friendly acquaintances”) to start in with that awkward conversation that stems from having very little in common other than casually attending a concert together every year or two. What better to curb that urge than the arguably greatest piano man of all time? Yeah, I said it. Nothing touches Newman on keys, and this lineup actively encourages you to tell those around you who may disagree-via-loud-conversation where to stick it.
7:15 P.M. Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem
ft. Jonny Greenwood, Julian Casablancas, & Tom Verlaine
Not that the Electric Mayhem need the backup, but a little guesting can help draw in some of the Too School For School attendees that may be confused why puppets got the direct support slot. All kidding aside, housing this many puppeteers on tour is completely economically unsustainable, which is why partial proceeds from the the carnival games (specifically: Fish Pond, Cake Walk, Guess The Weight Of This Hoarder’s Newspapers, and the Internal Revenue Service Presents: Kissing Booth) will go to easing this burden.
6:15 P.M. Sponsorship Showcase
Apple Presents New Product: iTime Machine:
Iggy Pop circa ‘76
Granted, Pop’s performance with aid of David Bowie and the Sales Brothers as backing band from his The Idiot tour may somewhat be overshadowed by Apple’s introduction of a legitimate and affordable time machine (I mean, when we’re talking Apple products, “affordable” for people with degrees not in the social sciences or arts), I still think Iggy can convert the tech heads and religious protesters obviously upset by a breach in the space/time continuum-and-purely-for-the-economic-benefit-of-a-nearly-monopolic-monocultural-corporation
5:00 P.M. Opening Comments: Michael Keaton
(w/ Tearful Introduction and Appreciation For)
I realize when you have omnipresent control over a fantasy tour, you might think that making yourself open a show is a sure sign of an inferiority complex or, at best, a nagging suspicion that readers, no matter how forgiving, would never cede billing yourself over Iggy Pop in any circumstance. With that in mind, I don’t feel it’s too much to ask that Mr. Keaton tearfully recount his introduction to our music and his dedication to appearing in another Batman feature purely based off what our music has come to mean to him, both as a fan and as a close personal friend of mine. He’ll probably mention (on mic) that the time spent listening to records together and reenacting my favorite scenes from his ‘89 Burton feature are both some of the most fun and artistically meaningful moments of his professional and personal life.