LACES – CRAZY TOUR STORIES

In this Crazy Tour Stories segment, the singer-songwriter, LACES, shares one of her stories from being on the road. You can check out the story, after the break.

I don’t tour much these days, not that anyone does (hello pandemic!), but I’ve made my way around the country a total of 10 times. Each time something ridiculous has happened, but nothing beats Warped Tour 2008.

Let me paint a picture for you… 11 men on my tour bus. Half of these men were in a metal band called Evergreen Terrace. Oftentimes there would be softcore porn playing in the front of the bus and gaming in the back. It was a woman’s paradise…obviously (when it would turn into the men farting all night – that was a bonus).

That year the Warped Tour was expanding the genres it was allowing on the tour. They had invited me and Pop Princess Katy Perry. A few Top 40 ladies sprinkled in a sea of punk rock dicks. In 2008 there was a type of pressure to be one of the boys though (wasn’t that the name of Katy’s album that year too?). I was always trying to keep up and show the boys I could be hardcore too, even if I was wearing a Betsy Johnson dress and was just 20 years young.

One night, the sound engineer for Gwar came to our bus and gave me a special brownie. I was like, “Well… if the boys do it, I’m definitely going to.” A few things you should know about me back then: my experience with weed was limited (now I’m a professional) and I am also celiac and can’t have wheat/flour. I ate the brownie.

It wasn’t long until I was so high that I was walking around the band parking lot and randomly talking to emo looking folk. I had thought the lead singer of Mayday Parade had turned into a lion. I was convinced. My then-boyfriend (Jimmie from Every Avenue) decided it was time to return me to the bus. My bandmate Coley put me in my bunk after I had brushed my teeth and put on my retainer (VERY SEXY), but shortly I had decided the bunk was “too dizzy” and I needed to be freed. At this point, I am naked with my retainer and high as a kite – running back and forth with my keys player trying to put me back to bed (I should mention he is also high along with most of the bus).

Eventually, we all sleep and wake up to hear the news that we are first to the stage (10:30am?). My drummer is still stoned and has forgotten how to use his hands and I am also still not in the land of the living. I believe we performed (not sure how or if it was good) or maybe we didn’t perform – I have no recollection of the actual performance.

Long story short. Don’t accept special brownies from Gwar unless you want to TURN THE F UP.

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