Machinist! – TOUR TIPS

This new set of Tour Tips was written by the punk band, Machinist!. You can check out their tips for being on the road, after the break.

Here are five tips for bands trying to get out on the road. Touring the country playing original music can be the most rewarding experience while simultaneously being the most stressful roller coaster you’ve ever ridden. Hopefully, these five ideas will help you build your band’s fan base while also helping to save you from emotional and physical ruin.

1) The first rule of tour is: remember you are on tour. You are working together as a group to achieve a common goal. Therefore, each of you is a representative of that group (your band). That being said if Jimmy gets hammered and vomits on the bar he’s probably not being a good ambassador for your band. 9 out of 10 venues are not gonna be into that. Basically, this tip is being friendly and respectful. If you don’t speak to anyone except for grunts and okays then no one is going to feel any connection to you. I’m not saying you have to kiss babies and give handjobs but building relationships with staffs, promoters, and fans make your band even more memorable. You can be nice a million times and probably no one will think anything out of the ordinary about it but the minute you are an asshole people will remember it forever and tell everyone they know about it. And they aren’t going to remember your name. They’re gonna say, “That dude from Pope Boner was a total tool.” So tip one: Be nice and build relationships.

2) My second tour tip is to take time to see things. So many bands go from venue to venue and experience nothing outside of the three blocks around the venue plus the local Taco Bell/Walmart. This can make band members bored and kind of stir crazy. While you don’t have time or money every day to go do something cool there’s plenty of downtime on tour. Now you might think, “But Jeff we are hella broke! Cake Eaters From Outer Space isn’t a huge money making band.” I totally feel your pain and I want you to breath a sigh of relief because guess what. Someone in your band has a smartphone. There are tons of free things or super cheap things to do In most cities and a quick Google search will reveal them to you. Also websites like swimminghole.org give options all over the country for cool swimming/ rock jumping spots. While the goal of touring is to get your music out there to new people taking advantage of the fact that your are traveling is one of the huge perks. Go see the Grand Canyon damn it. Go see Times Square.

3) Okay, let’s talk about merch. Oh, tight you’ve already got it covered? XLame Not LaidX has two shirt designs? Both black shirts with white ink? Well that’s cool but what if people don’t like those designs or what if they already have too many black shirts or what if they don’t have enough dough to shell out for a 10 dollar shirt? The answer to this is merch diversification. You should have several levels of merchandise pricing. So that folks can get something from you for as little as a buck for some buttons or 30 bucks for a five color zip up hoodie. Buttons, patches, and stickers are all super cheap options to fill your table up with things that people who are broke but still want to support can buy. Also, patches can be sewn onto hats thereby creating another merch item. The truth is that diversity draws attention. People want to browse all the stuff you’ve got and if it’s just a shirt thrown down on a table they might glaze over you altogether. Merch money is a life saver on tour and I wouldn’t advise any band to leave for any length of a tour without things to sell. P.S. Get a square or PayPal card reader. It’s 2015 don’t be dumb.

4) Bring what you need to sleep comfortably. When I was much younger I could sleep on a hardwood floor with just a thirty pack of PBR for a pillow. But today I bring a sleeping bag a blanket two pillows and ear plugs. Whatever sleep you get on the road is probably going to be shittier than the sleep you get at home. So it’s important to make it the best shitty sleep it can possibly be. It’s different for everyone so bring what works for you. Your two weeks into the future self will thank you.

5) Last but absolutely not least. For years on tour, I survived on dollar menus and gas station burritos. It’s often tough to find time to eat real food in the running from city to city and hitting load ins and sound checks. And eating fast food isn’t the end of the world. But over the years I realized that there was a direct correlation between what I was eating on the road and how I was feeling. Low energy, headaches, sugar crashes. Along the way, I was introduced to a super portable super cheap appliance that is in a word a game changer. I’m talking about the rice cooker. “But Jeff rice is boring!” You meant to say versatile. You can literally put anything in with your rice and you can cook it anywhere there’s an outlet in about 15 minutes. Lots of rice cookers come with vegetable steamer trays that allow you to incorporate fresh veggies into meals also. For those of you that aren’t into vegetarian stuff, there are countless precooked canned meats that you can add Into your rice. Also, rice cookers can make anything from soup to pancakes. Eating real food makes a massive difference in how you feel which makes a massive difference in how you perform.

Thanks for reading my top five tour tips! Hopefully, they help someone somewhere somewhen. This was written in the back of a 2001 Dodge Ram wagon 15 passenger van named Charlie Vanson somewhere on I40 between Albuquerque NM and Flagstaff AZ on day 9 of a 28-day tour. See you on the road.

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