This crazy story from the road was written by the psych-rock band, Marion Walker. You can check out their story, after the break.
First, let us introduce ourselves. We are Marion Walker, a 3-piece psych-rock band of sweethearts with sharp teeth from Reno/Seattle/Eisenhower Interstate System. We are currently on tour zipping in and out of the 4th dimension around the Continental United States.
As far as crazy sites to see and insane people to meet, between the 3 of us, we have first-hand accounts of quite a few.
There are people out there who really like to lick things. It seems as though this is their way of introducing themselves to you in a way that says, “Hey, I know I’m weird, but I’m worth it.” They could come up to your drummer who has just cracked his knuckles open during the set and suck the blood off for them. Make sure that they are truly swallowing the blood because you don’t want some crazy shaman/witch stealing the soul of one of your bandmates! You may think this is a joke, but it is not. We’ve seen people take our blood and wipe it on as many things as they own and we can only hope that they don’t later take it back to the local Black Magic Union and use it for nefarious reasons (watch out for hair-cutters too). Know your black magic and carry a charm or get a tattoo that will ward off this type of danger.
The ‘Shoe Licker’ is another type we’ve run into. They will be casually hanging around while you are loading in your gear or are posted up by the merch booth. They’re gonna put off the vibe that they may be a little shy and unable to figure out a way to start a conversation with you. But, they’ll eventually find their way next to you and in a seemingly sweet tone ask, “What kind of shoes are those?” So, you’ll bend your knee and kick your foot up a little to give them a closer look. This is where they will suddenly traverse the space between their tongue and the bottom of your shoe faster than you can say, “Holy shit!!!”
The ‘Face Licker’ is probably the most well known of all the lickers. We believe this to be because there is something so ultimately satisfying to them when they’ve left a puddle of saliva in your clavicle. They are most likely a version of the classic tale of Jekyll & Hyde. When you arrive earlier in the evening to set up and have already gone through the standard niceties with most everyone around, they will seem totally normal. WATCH OUT! This is all part of their plan for the evening. It takes a little bit of familiarity to be able to approach someone’s face without them being repelled by it. They will most certainly approach you as soon as you are done playing in order to get as much of a good salt-lick off your body as possible. Your defenses will be down and you’ll be appreciative of the compliments of the band’s performance. They will reach in to give you a hug, and you’ll feel awkward because you are so sweaty, and they will shrug it off…they seem awfully sweet, so…., what the hell….give ‘em a hug. BAM! Their face is buried in your neck and their tongue goes from the bottom of your neck, along your jawline, across your (blushing) cheeks, and will usually end on your ear. Depending on your reaction time, and how much you are into it, they may even get some teeth on your earlobe. Whatever you do, DON’T FREAK OUT. These people are not usually trying to pick you up for a romantic encounter. This is their way of letting you into their crew. If you pass this test, you’re in for life, don’t fuck this up.
We are currently working on a more scientific system of classifying the ‘lickers’ of the world, but we hope this is enough of an introduction for you into the great wide world that is out there to be discovered. Hope to see all y’all on the road out there somewhere….
(Jessie, Donovan, and Kyle)