In this Tour Tips segment, the hard rock band, The Matchstick Skeletons, recommend their advice to other touring bands. You can check out their tips and listen to the live recording of their song, Told Ya So, after the break.
1. Accidentally Steal Gasoline
We find a great way to save money on tour is to go to gas stations that don’t have the pay at the pump feature, start pumping gasoline into your tour vehicle of choice, then go inside to peruse the array of camouflage and oddly aggressive/gigantic knives. While you’re contemplating buying ninja stars cause “how the hell can a gas station sell me ninja stars?!” you forget that you didn’t pay at the pump, and you just leave. About 45 minutes later a police officer will remind you that you’re a damn dirty thief and that you need to turn around.
2. Manitoba Left Turns
The first thing to note, when you’re in the prairies, ask for Randy. They’re all good. Anyone named Randy or Randi who lives in the flatland is a gem. Regina Randy bled all over himself (and us!) welding our busted ass trailer back together and didn’t charge us for the pint of blood he donated. And Manitoba Randi (our new BFF) from the radio station put about 14 of us in her very tiny car and showed us that to take a left turn in Manitoba, you actually turn right and Jason Statham that motherfucker with an e-brake turn and after 270 degrees you’re facing exactly where you need to.
3. Road Cases for Jack Daniels
It’s actually super easy and convenient to rent gear or backline in every city you go to. The trailer should be reserved for suspending Jack Daniels bottles like the Ether Barrel from the American classic, Bad Boys. We learned this during the great Jack Daniels tragedy and subsequent shortage of 2018. We weren’t following this protocol and during a short drive, 3 liters of brown gold smashed on the floor of our bus. If you’ve met our drummer Matty, he is 90% Jack Daniels and this was truly an emotional juggernaut. He hasn’t spoken for a few weeks and just keeps staring at the wall, but we’re pretty sure he’ll come back around.
4. Only Pay with American Ones
Day to day touring expenses can be such a bore. Buying out all the ramen noodles in a shitty gas station (again) can feel so mundane. But not if you pay by asking the clerk the weather and cutting them off yelling “100% chance of precipitation” then making a flurry of the smallest denomination of American bills and walking away like Carter 3 era Lil’ Wayne.
5. Never check the load capacity of your trailer.
This won’t end badly…right?
6. Only park and sleep in the scariest places
See some leftover Halloween fog? Perhaps a drifter walking with a banjo case that only you can see? Maybe an ancient Victorian woman keeps saying “P….pp…Ppp…people died here….” Yawwwwn, time to park for a nap and leave the doors unlocked.