Spirits and the Melchizedek Children – TOUR TIPS

This new set of Tour Tips was written by Ryan Odom, of the rock band, Spirits and the Melchizedek Children. You can check out his tips for being on the road, after the break.

These are some tidbits for younger, relatively inexperienced road dogs seeking the adventure of a lifetime via the saving grace of rock and roll music. If you are a seasoned veteran who’s is paying your high dollar mortgage with mailbox money you made licensing your music while you were on your last world tour these are things you likely already know. So why are you even reading this, go fuck off and beat your dick with a fistful of $20 bills or whatever.

We take touring very seriously, and you should too. these are some of the practical actions we take and attitudes we have adopted that make our tours successful and super duper fun.

1) Bring backup gear, cables, tubes, and an extra amp for everybody in your band who plays through one. This might seem like common sense, but some touring musicians have remarkable lack of foresight when it comes to this kind of damage control. The average band plays their gear 3-4 hours a week for rehearsals, not counting in town shows or whatever. When you get out on the road your are beating your stuff to shit every single load in, set, and load out, over and over again. It’s murder and things will go wrong so be ready for it. Have it ready to go at any moment. That means load it all onstage so you don’t have to get mugged while you walk the six blocks back to your van to fish it out of all the sleeping bags and trash in the middle of your set.

2) On the same tack, do not hock your shit on the road to buy new sexy gear, because I promise you as soon as you sell your backup amp or pedal or whatever, your primary will up and fucking die on you that very same night and you will feel so so so stupid.

3) One last gear related tip, be prepared for the rest of the band to not give a fuck when your cabling or amp fails. Your super clever guitar parts cutting out abruptly does not constitute an emergency for the rest of your ensemble, so fix that shit quick. They aren’t gonna stop the song just cause you are fucking around on the floor with your pedals in a full blown panic. I know you packed backup cables and have them easily accessible on the stage (see no. 1). Troubleshoot it fast and pick a clever spot to come back into the tune or whatever. THIS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU AT SOME POINT SO GET READY FOR IT NOW AND GET OVER IT QUICK CHAMP.

4) You are going to have a terrible night or two. You are going to blow a chord change super loud. You probably won’t get laid because you are a smelly piece of shit and a straight red bull fast food diet makes you look like you have AIDS. You may not even feel like playing some nights. Suck it up, these kids are hungry as fuck for a cathartic experience and they paid six bucks in advance for services not yet rendered, you owe them a killer show so get your shit together and kick the fucking jams out like you mean it asshole.

5) There is almost no sense in offering you this little pearl unsolicited because you’ve heard it before, but don’t drink and drug yourself into a useless puddle every night. It’s not 1985 anymore, the business model has changed and promoters, bookers, bartenders, fans, etc. prefer to deal with bands that display a presence of mind and a friendly offstage persona instead of a bunch of smelly wasted hooligans. If you make a dollar off the door, you are a professional. Fucking act like it. It goes a looooooong way in terms of making an impression on the people who got you the show in the first place and making a more direct connection with the people who paid to see you play.

6) None of this is helpful to you in any way unless you book the tour and get out there. Quit your shitty job and go give somebody that same mind blowing experience you had at the first great show you ever saw. Not everybody gets the chance to tour. Its a wildly inconvenient logistical nightmare and there are aspects about it that are zero fun whatsoever. However, it’s a privilege to be a part of peoples lives in that way. Hit the fucking road and act like a grown up while your out there, its gonna be the most fun you’ll ever have and it will change your life forever.

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