The Venetia Fair – 1st ROAD BLOG from their “Shit Ass Deuce Deuce Tour”

The Venetia Fair is on their “Shit Ass Deuce Deuce Tour”. While on tour they will be writing periodic blogs for us. The first one can be read after the break.

Hey everyone, it’s your favorite brown, Joe!  Touring updating away.

We’re doing a bunch of shows on the way to the west coast where we begin “The Moby Boner Tour,” so we’re calling this tour “The Shitass Deuce Deuce Tour.”  The reason being is that its funny, and we don’t care.

We kicked off the tour on a Sunday night in Providence Rhode Island.  The show went decently well despite a few minor hang ups.  Mr. Chark almost got arrested because he stole an 80 cent cheese stick from a 7-11.  That would have made it not easy to play.  The other hang up was that I had to use the bathroom really bad.  A number 2.  I searched surrounding food establishments for a bathroom that suited my tastes.  Finding that the bathroom in the venue was just cleaned I was excited to drop my deuce, but being a nice man I let Ben use that bathroom to pee before me.  Being the ass hole that Ben is, he thought it would be funny to pee all over the seat so I couldn’t use it.  I respect that and it is funny.  I pooped eventually.  Not in comfort.

The second show was a couple days after at SUNY Potsdam in upstate NY.  WAY upstate.  College town.  We played the college, we were the only band, and the show was pretty awesome.  Lots of energetic kids and an enthusiastic group of hosts.  Also lots of pictures.

We spent the night at a good friend of ours.  Mr. Bonds house.  He had spaghetti for us which we ate real fast and then we all watched porn together.  Mr. Chark’s and Chris’s favorite porn.  3 police ladies.  Pretty good stuff.  Its called “Polices” and its on youjizz.com   Just a group of dudes watching porn.  And one girl.

We played the next show in Herkimer NY.  The club was brand new, pretty weird, but good.  They had TV’s and video games everywhere.  Show was decent.  After the show a few of our die hard fans brought us out for pizza hut and gave Chris and Ben birthday presents.  Ben used his birthday presents in a good way, but Chris used his in a bad way.

Chris decided to drink his entire bottle of vodka that was given to him, roll out of a moving car, and start stripping in a Wal Mart parking lot.  Due to the sharp-eyed employees of the Herkimer Wal Mart Supercenter, the police were called and responded quickly.  Kudos to the police.

The officers were very nice, and I can’t believe they put up with Chris.  Chris explained to the police, in barely english speak, that it was his birthday, and that it was “a ragefest in here.”  He also explained that the police didn’t need to worry because “I was a criminal justice major for 2 years, and my Dad really likes Motley Crue.”  When Chris realized he was in trouble, he tried to charm the officer by using this gem of a joke: “Have you ever heard the joke, Jerkimer?”  The police were not impressed.  After the officers made sure we had dumped out the booze that Chris was sure to drink (also I might add that when asked to empty his alcohol, Chris said he would dump out his bottle of sunglasses, and put his sunglasses in his mouth.  Also when the officer took the bottle from Chris, Chris tried to take it back and keep drinking it,) we were able to leave the parking lot and started a late drive to Buffalo NY.

About an hour away from the destination, I’m driving the van, everyone else is asleep, and Chris starts moving around in the van.  First he tried to sleep on top of our new merch man Victor a couple times, then finally got settled.  But not for long as he started puking all over the van.  He’s an ass hole… because the van still smells.  Mr. Chark and Victor, I applaud you for being able to clean up the holocaust that was Chris.

We spent a couple days off in Buffalo, and then a couple days off in Chicago with our friend Jared, formerly of the band Kiss Kiss, currently of the band Hidden Hospitals.  He’s a great dude.  He tour guided us through the city, and we had a great time.

Last night was our show in Dekalb IL.  We had a good crowd there.  Good food at the venue, and an extremely helpful and pleasant staff.  After the show, we stayed at some friends of ours hotel room, and pissed off the one person working at the hotel when he had trouble making us leave the pool.

Later that night, Chris and Mr. Chark got in a fist fight because Mr. Chark wanted to kiss Chris and Chris wouldn’t let him.

Now we’re on our way to Peoria IL for our show at the Brass Rail.

More coming soon.