Total Unicorn – PRESHOW RITUALS Total Unicorn – PRESHOW RITUALS
In this Preshow Rituals segment, the experimental electronic group, Total Unicorn, share what they do before every show. You can check out their rituals,... Total Unicorn – PRESHOW RITUALS

In this Preshow Rituals segment, the experimental electronic group, Total Unicorn, share what they do before every show. You can check out their rituals, after the break.

On show day, we touch gluten, breathe infrequently and will not make any sense to anybody for any reason. This is how we keep our energy local. Momentum should not be shared until it can be maintained. The street is covered in ears and sounds like a series of hairpin turns. We stay on the grass, never allowing our feet to touch asphalt.

We spend two hours before the show eating bread. We average about a slice per second. Then crunches. Lots of crunches. We swab our masks with vaseline and espresso. Short breaths. More crunches.

After a quick power nap and ten slow burpees, we slice up our Snickers loaf and down a few shots of Frangelico. We offer thanks to Rip Taylor by silencing primal screams with our sleeves. These sleeves can absorb anything. They’re the best.

If the mirror is in position above the venue, Popcorn Man will appear, deposit $1.98 into our Square account and we can take the stage confident that the show will be viscous and aromatic. If the show smells good, he’s done his job. And that’s how the audience knows that they’re getting maximum value. It should look easy. Anything that easy, has to be good.

After the show, we cry for 4 seconds and rewind the computers. We have to play the show in reverse now or there will be fees. We end the evening by locking ourselves out of the van and doing more crunches. Popcorn Man likes a tight core. He knows where the keys are. He steals them from the fanny pack every damn time. It’s his pre-show ritual.

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