Pyro, Ohio – CRAZY TOUR STORIES

This crazy story from the road was written by the post-hardcore band, Pyro Ohio. You can check out the band’s story, after the break.

I feel like this story starts in the same setting as a lot of band’s crazy tour stories… We had our van parked at the back of a Walmart parking lot just north of Baltimore, and we were grilling up some of our famous tour ‘chihuahuas’ (a hotdog based recipe that we won’t give away on here). A woman approached us, early to mid-thirties, who seemed to be under the influence of some sort of substance.

To break the ice, she brought up that there were six hotdogs on the grill and only five of us. She went on to hypothesize that Mike, (who is about 6’3”, 220lbs) would be the recipient of the sixth hotdog, because of his size. She also randomly said, “You guys are in a band, you’ve got money, right?!” Since us grilling hotdogs in a Walmart parking lot is a great indicator of our financial success… She went on to share that Mike was by far the best looking of the five us, (Mike didn’t disagree). At this point, she pulled Mike to the side to explain her situation to him. It turns out, she was trying to drive to New Jersey to get away from the father of her three children, plus grandkids. She claimed to be 33… we’re still trying to do the math on this…

Anyway, she made a proposal to Mike to sell him some prescription narcotics for $9 for gas money to get there. When he declined, she decided to sweeten the deal and offer a side of fellatio for only a dollar more! (Bringing his grand total to $10 for some pills and a sexual favor). Once again, he declined, and she went on her way. But we commend her for her bargaining skills and her ability to approach total strangers!

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